I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
