how can u be prego again
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
