he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
