Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
