I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
