The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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