but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
