Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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