New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
