I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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