She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
