We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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