I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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