he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
