Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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