I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
