I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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