the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
