I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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