things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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