I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
