How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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