When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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