you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
