I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
