I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
