I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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