hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
