Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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