1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I understand Curling. That high.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
