i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
