woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
