Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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