I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
