ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
