Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
