How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
