yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
