his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
