I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
