I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
