My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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