A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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