No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
