This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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