Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
