She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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