is your mom at the bar?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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