So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its not stalking. its research.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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