Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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