I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
