Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
