I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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