Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
