I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
